I dream of this.
Warning: Yet another mindless entry.My last entry was exactly a good seven days ago. Reason for not blogging is simply due to lack of inspiration on my side. Even when some thoughts hit me, more often I'm too lazy to pen it down. Life has been rather routine for the past week. Eat, sleep, go library, hang out with friends and have fun. I'm just doing all the meaningless activities an average good-for-nothing teenager will indugle in.
Finally applied for NUS and NTU. Business as first choice followed by common engineering and then mathematical science for both Universities. It wasnt an easy task at all when it comes to choosing Uni courses. It took a weird dream that I had few nights ago to finally decide on buisness as my first choice. It sure sounds naive to plan one's future solely based on a dream. But kuku people like me make kuku decisions all the time. Its just another typical follow my instinct instead of logical thinking. This time, I'm quite certain its the right choice because the dream was just too convincing. Don't ask me what my dream was about because it is convincing and silly at the same time.
We are just a clean sheet away from a place in the semi-finals for the first time in history. C'mon Gooners, lets finish the job come next wednesday. Then I can go in Army a happy person.
Happy 19th birthday Yen Yong *^!
Can celebrate birthday at Bangkok with frens how exciting is tat man !? =)
~Nil Sine Labore
Waiting to be a soldier.
14days, less than 330 hrs to enlistment. 8 April will mark a the start entirely different lifestyle for another 2 years. Over here, I dun really dread army life but instead quite looking forward to it. I just hate the waiting to enlist part. The awareness that my time as a civilian fades away with time really suck big time. The countdown on msn nicks only rub it in. Actually I have a few worries regarding army life. I need 2 pillows to sleep at night, one to rest my head on , another to hug. But dear SAF only provides a pillow per person. Another headache will be I hate to be told what to do esp when I find the task damn silly. This is sumthing I have to work out with my future sergent.
Besides those slight concerns, I'm pretty certain that I will enjoy my 2 years of national service. The chance to handle real firearms and flirt with wild boars among the trees is indeed something to get excited about. In addition, a buddy of mine once said " Aiyah, no gf or bf mah, no emotional attachment, no one to miss or miss you. Go or never go army also no diff." I really agree with him on this. Besides, most of my close friends being guys, they will be serving the nation as well. Guess I wont be missing much when it all kicks off on 8 April 2006.
This will be the last 2 weeks to catch up with some frens before I disappear into the jungle for 2 years and returning as a different man. Btw, anyone wans to visit Pulau Tekong? can follow me on 8 April cuz my parents wont be sending me off. I will have some extra slots as each enlistee can bring along 5 family members.
Just a side note, I think I wanna join the GUARDS like yf provided they wan me. The thrill of hoping off a chopper then spraying my rifle at the enemies at point blank range is just so shiok! I want play an active role as being part of the reason why my friends and relatives can sleep soundly at night. =)
Time to go running le. Cya!
*Ready to Strike.
~Nil Sine Labore
Mind over Body. Fatigue is nothing!
My personal physical conditioning program has kick started yesterday. My daily exciting plan is as follows:
- Ard 2.5km around pasir ris park
- Rest for 2min
- X pull ups ( one additional pull up after every 2-3 days. X currently stands at 7 only)
- Soccer with the uncles at Pasir Ris Park. (on Sunday and Friday evenings only)
If you know me well, you should jolly know how much I hate running. It is a different story all together now. I have realised the joy of sweating it out along the pavement. The same joy that captivated the heart of runners all around the world. The rush of adrenaline during each run numbs the mind temporarily from the worries and sadness of the real world. The pure pleasure of pushing one beyond his own physical limitation can be achieved by running. The sense of acheivement that you will feel after breaking your previous timing is an really a "feel good" feeling.
Another possible reason I only start to enjoy running now could be because of some serious self reflection that I had after D day. The almightly mirror reminded me that I wasn't being fair to myself and other for the past 18 years of my life. For all the things that I have done, for how many did I really put in best effort? Only a handful I suppose. Most of the time, it was a half hearted effort and for that, more often than not, I will regret my action or rather lack of it at the end of the day.
I hate myself for being the coward that I was. I hate myself for not putting in the extra effort in my schoolwork in the past.
I hate myself for not going that extra mile for some frens when they needed me most.
I hate myself for not daring to do the things that I truely believed in.
I hate myself for saying things that I do not meant when in midst of anger.
I hate myself for not having the courage to tell you how I feel about you then despite your initiative.
I'm not going to cry over spilled milk here. This is all part of growing up for us all. As much as I wanna go back in time and set things right, but it is just impossible. Besides, I only have 18 days of civilian life left in me. Mr time is never on my side all the time.
I have promised myself to give more than my best in everything I do starting from National Service (NS). Running gives me the perfect starting point to do so. Running allows me to keep pushing myself over the edge and this hopefully will prepare me for the bigger challenges ahead in NS. I want to limit the regrets that I might stumble upon in future to the lowest. Simply because regrets are not nice and they are bitter pills to swallow. I'm sure all of us feel the same about regrets right ?
Although this is a yet another fresh starting point in life for me, but there are parts of me that I promise will never ever change. My love for Arsenal FC is certainly is one of them. =)
*Love at first sight with running
~Nil Sine Labore
Run and Pull
I got 3 more weeks before reporting to BMTC sch1. Its time for me to start getting into shape just in case I dun get a welfare company in tekong. Bring on the track shoes and pull up bars! =)
~Nil Sine Labore
The voices of the unsung heroes
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they are at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 10 SMSes, 4 missed calls on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three painstaking hours dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted your beyond godlike streak that you would ever orchestrated in a DOTA game to rant about a rumour that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you decided to be a noob leaver and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time that she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the ambience was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we are just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you are nice like that.
The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed and what I have learned from talking to friends, the only conclusion I can form is that some girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he is too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he is not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!" or the most frustrating of all: "No way!, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to date this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you are sick of hearing yourself described as outstandingly nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming. Ladies and gentlemen, do join me in offering a toast to our very own unsung heroes. Cheers!
It is always a step harder to be the nice guy. Being Mr Nice guy is just like being a superhero like Spiderman. Not many will appreciate your heroic efforts but we cannot survive without you hanging around our friendly neighbourhood. So Mr Nice guy, you have to stay tall and strong. Life goes on no matter what. You cannot falter simply because you cannot afford to. If you ever fall, who is going to keep our streets safe?
No not me. I dun even come close to being the Mr nice guy. In fact, I'm the type of guys that your mum warned you about. Me is the insensative and bastardious type. So stay away from me or I will eat you up for lunch. Bo0!* =P
Off for a camp. Cya all in 4 days! =)
~Nil Sine Labore
The fairytale goes on
Arsenal are through to the last eight of the competition. Bring on Barcelona, Juventus or even AC Milan!!
*I'm so happy =)
~Nil Sine Labore.
Men just dun get it
If a person never mentioned something to you does it mean he doesn't wan you to know?
Could it be his huge ego that is preventing him from confiding in you ?
Or he just needs some time to cool down ? If so, how long ?
Does it pay to take the initiative to approach him and ask ?
Will he even bother to entertain you even if you do?
These are just four out of the unlimited questions that I have to consider even before I wan to show some concern for a friend. Is it really so tough to express concern for someone you care for ? Maybe its just me or that we humans are really funny creatures. People say we get wiser as we age but ironically, I get more and more puzzled about human beings as I grow older. I find it harder and harder to understand the people around me. This is esp so for members of the opposite sex. I'm not going to blame it on hormones or my upbringing for this gap in communication. The problem is solely is me and not anyone else. As a result, I tend to do and say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Its not that I dun wan to be understanding and caring but I dun know how to even after countless attempts to do so. Most attempts ended up #&%@!. I'm starting to believe that it is iron casted somewhere in my genes that I'm born to be an insensitive little monster destined to bring tears and pain to this world. Muahahaha.. you have been warned.
Since understanding ppl is not my cup of tea, its high time i stop trying for a while maybe. It may sound dumb but its not a bad way to keep the damage done to the minimum . At least, I can live and fight another day( if I'm given another chance) before everything is entirely beyond redemption. National Service sounds like an good time for all to lay back and regroup but two years is indeed a long time to endure.
As for now, its time for me to embrace the beautiful game again. It is one of the few activities that I truly enjoy doing. It just allows me to express myself without much restriction. The trademark flicks and sudden burst of pace of mine are raring to be displayed on the fields and courts. Give me the ball and I will show you some magic! =)
This world is merry
This coming week will be my last week of work. I cant wait for unemployment man haha. This will be my last 4 weeks as a civilian .I better make full use of it man or I wont forgive myself. There is finally time to really enjoy life courtesy of the paycheck from NCS. I really cant wait for this coming weeek to end so I can revert to my 2am-1pm sleeping hrs. =)
Anyway yesterday, I took bus 53 home with a mad stranger. From the moment he boarded, he starts to talk loudly to other passengers who obviously dun wan to listen to him. His not so soft conversation range from loansharks to local politics. This outspoken man is definately irritating the other passengers from all the frowning faces but no one stood up to stop him. Me and my fren just treat him as a walking joke book since his speeches are quite funny. He could have continue his loud ranting undisturbed if he had not mentioned singaporeans are useless. " If I had to depend on singaporeans, I would have died of hunger long time ago" was one of the phrase he used. Well thats it, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Out of no where, this someone immediately stood up and shoot back at him. Quite suprisely, he took it in his strides and lowered his volume eventually. This somebody recevied some thumbs up from fellow passengers. The mad dude did not stop entirely after the exchange but he decided to decrease his audience size to the loving couple behind him. Since the boyfriend dun seem to care much so its no longer my problem and besides, its not irritating me like before. There is no point in straining my throat over a lunatic again. And for the rest of the journey, we only had lovely music from ipod for audio entertainment. The moral of this story is, there are many things that we can laugh and joke about together. However, if one party decides to go overboard and crossed the line, the world wont be as merry as before.
~Nil Sine Labore
What makes us cry, will only make us stronger
From this moment, life took a wicked twist for some.One's life with AAA will be a totally different ball game compared to another's life who scored FFF. Doors of opportunity are already closed before the latter can even smell them. I scored neither AAAA nor FFF. I'm just using them as an example here. My grade is sumthing within the range of those two scores. I'm just very disappointed with myself. It is just like during a 100m race and you were leading the entire pack, with only inches of track standing between you and your gold medal. However, you tripped over your own leg and fell. In the end, you did complete the race but your gold medal is replaced by a bronze one. This is literally how I'm feeling right now. The feeling of "just a little bit more and I would have made it" is a real bitter pill to swallow.
At this point, I know that not only had I let myself down, but also the people around me. Mr Sung, I'm
sorry I failed to deliever you an A in chemistry that I so promised you. I'm
sorry that I did not meet your expection despite your strong belief in me. Dear friends, thanks for all your support and encouragment during pre A level times but I'm really
sorry that I did not score well enough to deserve all the time and effort you all put in for me.
Setbacks and bad times are things that make us human afterall. Each time we fall, blood and tears will be shedded. Its perfectly normal to cry and scream when we are facing a bad patch. But the tears and blood have to dry up one day. It is this day when we will give ourselves an assuring pat on our shoulders, get back on our feets and continue on our journey of life. If one ever feel that you are just too devestated or tired to stand up once more, do not forget you have many friends around you who are ever so willing to lend you a hand and pull you up. No doubt life wont be as easy as before, but the tears and pain has made one much stronger than before. One will be more prepared than before to face all new challenges that life has installed for him.
Congratulations to all folks who scored straight As, I will be hunting you down for a treat pretty soon.
~Nil Sine Labore
